MY BIG RUBBER BUTT. Part 3

I'd like to think that I'm a person who learns from her mistakes. In fact, I've made so many mistakes that I'm probably at the top of my class. So, I was determined not to make some stupid mistake, some amateurish stumble or niave gaff. I steeled myself for what was ahead. Barring a fart sneaking-out,I thought, I was good to go.

But, somewhere during lunch, in a nice italian restaurant with Debbs, my heart started to pound. I started to get a little nervous. This was the first real casting call of any substance, that I'd gotten. I was both excited and nervous.

Debbs was sweet. She tried to take my mind off it. And, when she couldn't, she gave me words of support. (She's like that.)

Maybe this was a Huge mistake, I thought to myself. Maybe, I wasn't quite ready for this. I was that patheitic. How the hell had I completely lost my shit?! Then I realized something very important. Something that would focus me and calm my nerves.

Debbs was buying lunch.

MY BIG RUBBER BUTT: Adventures of a transgendered comic.

The McDonald's across from the Times Square Entertainment Center is just where I wound-up. Ritual didn't motivate me, this time. It was hunger....and, I was broke. (Besides, the waiting-lines aren't too long. And, the Day-Manager runs that place tight).

I still had more than enough time to meet-up with Debbs, for lunch, and than head-over to 30 Rock. Especially, since her offices are right across the street.

I had no expectations of what the day would bring. I came with plenty of thoughts, hopes and dreams: most of which I later squashed at an Irish Pub in Times square.

It was a beautiful day in New York City. I got to hang with one of my favorite girls, and I spent the afternoon at 30 Rockefeller Center. What could possibly go wrong?!

MY BIG RUBBER BUTT: Adventures of a transgendered comic

The first thing I do when I get off the bus, at Port Authority, is to go to the bathroom. Not always, but usually. In this case, my bladder and me had been sitting for four hours.

Every stall was taken when I got there. But, I was first in-line.

Fianlly, a women emerged from a stall and I walked in.....in...in to the most disgusting thing -in a bathroom- that I'd seen that day. I quickly assesed the situation, and calculated how much time it would take to reach Debbs office, and Her bathroom.

Short enough.

I walked away, and headed to the street.

I didn't assume anything about the women who had emerged from the stall, as I took the excalator up to street level. I didn't automatically peg her as the one who had turned it into a urine-works, in there. But, I did wonder -if she wasn't the culprit- how she managed to use it.

She wasn't that tall.

PROCESSING

"Ah, Miss Twotone, it's so nice to see you tonight. Your usual table?"

I just look at him, not muttering a word.

"In the back, in the corner, in the dark, Yes?!", he asks. "....'close to the music, but not too close'. A single candle? Yes?!"

Once seated, I ordered the same thing I always order; Alcohol, Ice Cream, and Bunny Slippers.

I even had them put a few small palm tress around my booth (I was ready to party!)

The band played the blues.

The band always played the blues.

My table wasn't so much the standard set-up. I had a big, fluffy, love seat, read in color. Next to that stood a small table. And around me were pillows. Lots and lots of pillows.

I was having a Pity Party.

-And, I planned on being there for a while.

Confidential

I don't consider myself to be a violent person, though a good part of my life was surrounded by violence. I don't particulary think that I'm all that patient. Shallow, uncomplicated, and dull. I don't believe I possess any intelligence greater than that of the average Yak. I find humor, wherever I can. I believe it is the best tool we have against the darkness.

Tammy Towtone at the Laugh Lounge in NYC.

That's Not My Name!!!!!

I've been following this "Trannies With Knives" controversy for some time now. I've seen the tailer to the film. I wasn't particularly impressed....but, I wasn't offended, either. I've seen a boycott of the film is underway and a lot of people on both sides are incensed. And, I shake my head in wonderment. Maybe, I'm too jaded. Maybe, I don't know. But, it just seems to re-inforce what I, and many others have been saying: As long as we let other people define us we will have to deal with this.

The Ting Tings have a great song. It's called 'That's Not My Name'. I would like to nominate that song as the unofficial anthem for the Transgender movement. Because, besides been a great little song, it embodies what trans people deal with on a day-to-day. And, it's 'catchy'.

Mainstream-straight-white-american media prevades this country. They are the ones who portray us. We are either laughable kooks, or simply a group to be pitied. Usually, both. And, we've got to either do something about that, or learn to live with it.

Is the guy who made the movie a Yutz? Yeah, most likely. Is the film exploitative? Yup, says so in the advertisement. Are people upset over the whole thing? Goes without saying. But, besides being great press for the producers of the film, it both makes and misses the point. We should be taking this opportunity to inform the media of who we are. WE need to be the ones telling our stories and not THEM.

I'm going to continue to follow this, because it directly affects me, but also because the stupidity is massive and the ignorance pervasive.

In the meantime, I am going to take every opportunity to point-out the absurdities, stupidty, hypocrisy and mis-information that exists out there. Because, I honestly don't believe they will even notice, unless something drastic forces them to......like a trans serial-killer.

Which, come to think of it, doesn't really occur in our community. I'm pretty sure the staright-white-american has a lock on that. Bernie Madoff, Glenn Beck and "Snookie"?!,.......Nope, not in my community.

Huh, funny that?!