You're All I See!!

It's been three days since I participated in a live Comedy audition contest, at Theodores, in downtown Springfield, Mass.

Typical 'contest' stuff. You know.

The winner, or winners, were to be chosen by a panel of judges. The panel consisted of two local radio jocks 'Bax and O'Brien', some guy from the local Budweiser distributor, a chick from CityStage.....and, somebody else.

Why did I do it?!

-Seemed like a good idea, at the time.

I had no hopes of winning, even though the winner walked-away with a quick fifty bucks, as well as the opportunity to open for a national headline act, like Kevin Meaney, Wendy Liebman, and Tony Rawls, which would be at CityStage. The whole thing struck me as a cross-promotion, a way to get more people down to CityStage, which is the local performance space in Springfield.

Fine.

I'd done one of these, years ago, with Jim McCue, in some dive in West Springfield, just over the bridge. It was one of the first 'contest' type of shows I'd ever done. It left a bad taste in my mouth. And, I'd stayed away from them ever since.

You'd think common sense and experience would have stopped me.

Nope.

There I was, sipping my vodka and cranberry, scanning the crowd and sizing-up the situation. M.B. was munching on hot pepper-jack cheese sticks in the 'comedians corner' -which was more like an alcove- mommentarily content.

Jennifer was there. Jennifer Mysokowski. A woman with a lot of talent. Roddy Thomas and Dan 'The Librarian' were there. And, I couple of people I didn't know, or remember. The rest were a collection of people who have never, and should never, step in front of a microphone.

The entire event is a spectacle both sad and hilarious. From the M.C. yelling at the crowd to "shut the fuck up!", to the awful silence when someone bombed. Pool was being played in the back, conversations continued unabated at the bar, and then constant traffic of people entering and exiting next to the stage set the scene. Then there was the horn.

If you've seen the painting of 'the last supper', it might give you the image of the judges, as they sat at a long table at the opposite end of the room. Something was about to happen, and it wasn't gonna be pretty. It's either that, or, it was five monkeys, each in a different pose of ennui, bored out of their minds.

They looked solemn. They looked sullen. They looked serious and tired. They'ed probably been drinking.

Two DJ's from Rock 102, A sales rep. from Miller Distributung, some old chick...........and the other guy. Not a Jesus in the whole lot of 'em.

Seemed like a good idea.

It was a bar.
Not a Comedy Club, theater, or performance space.

The difference being the difference between stabbing your toe and having your entire leg amputated -with a rusty saw. That's the difference. It's exactly like that!

What?! I need stage time.
I needed to steel my nerves for what was to come in the next few months. I'd also written something and wanted to try it out in front of a crowd -I didn't care that there was a contest going on while I did it.

I was happy with my set, even though It didn't score well with the judges in the 'originality' catagory. (Something I've long since come to terms with: I'm just another transgendered woman doing sex and bathroom humor at second-rate comedy clubs and local open-mic's. Boring!! -Who'd a thunk it.)

One of the most well-known headliners in Western mass, when I statred out was Larry Sullivan. The big guys on the block were people like Leo T. Baldwin, Mark Rossi, and Larry Sullivan. I learned a lot by watching them work.

What was interesting is that Larry was there.
He was one of the contestants.

Tall, silent, blonde, conservatively dressed, and sprouting a set of glasses -which gave him a professorial look- he waited. Surrounded by frat boys, lonely accountants who dreamed, a mileu of desperate houswives, drunks, open-mic comedians and drug dealers, he sipped his drink and waited for his turn.

It was nice to see him. I'd worked with him a few times, and, except for one instance, I had nothing bad to say. He was good. He'd been good. He was still good.

At first, I was sad. I was melancholy. I took his appearance at this train-wreck to be anything but good.

My knee-jerk reaction became focused inward. I have a penchant to dwell on the negative, on my own insecurities, on the tawdry of the human soul and my own failings. I wondered if I was looking at myself, at my future. It's a dark place of doubt and self-loathing. It's also where I feel at home. And, it deadens the jealousy.

But, then I thought, "how pathetic am I?"
That would've been too easy.

I shook his hand.
I talked to him.
I got his telephone number, scribbled hastily on a napkin, and made some grumblings about being in contact.....I don't even know why. I'm so shallow

Jennifer, Roddy Thomas, and some pudgy guy, were the winners that night. Each of them would go on to open for a comedian at CityStage......that, and they got a quick fifty.....as well as the adoration of the crowd.

There were no profound moments, or hilarious exploits to report on -there rarely are. It was what it was.

It was nice to see old friends.....even the ones that don't like me.