Whenever I would ask my mother about my birth, and about how I came into this world, she would inevitably tell me that I was an accident. In fact, I was one of several.
Here's some advice, from someone who knows: when your child asks you that question tell them that they were the product of love. Tell them that it was a moment of magic. Tell them that two people, deeply in love, united for one special evening, to produce the child that would be them. (I don't care if you have to lie). It'll do wonders for their self-esteem.
Me, I'm an 'accident'!
And, just how the fuck did this 'accident', occur?
What the hell does it mean?
I'll tell you what it means. It means that two people, motivated by sheer carnal lust -and alcohol- had sex....and never bothered to use a condom.
That's when you hear: "Hon, do you remember that Chinese New Year when we had sex in your mother's basement?"
(Quizzical look) "Noooooo........... Should I?"
"Did you wear a condom?"
That's what I am. An 'accident'.
Now, I have no problems with the circumstances surrounding my conception. It's the wording that bugs me.
An 'accident?!'
How about: In a moment of passion, we threw ourselves together with complete and utter abandon. It was a devil-may-care attitude fueled by our lust.
That would be better.
An 'accident' is when you stub your toe. An accident is when your mother-in-law forgets to eat her bran, or you back into another car in the Mall parking lot. Those are accidents!
Getting drunk.....and rutting like pigs....is not an accident.
-That's a plan!
What I have learned is that I am not an 'accident'. I am the result of a finely-tuned plan, that was executed with military-like precision.
I'm not an accident.
-I'm Collateral Damage.
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Tammy TwoTone
Smile and wave, boys.
1 comment:
Seems like I've heard something similar myself, from my mom as well. Isn't it nice to know that we are to blame for their fucked up lives?
Part of the problem was that all they did was what was expected of them. Get married, have children, go to church, die and go to heaven. However, no one told them to get to know the person before you marry or have sex with them. No one told them that they should consider whether or not they would be good parents prior to having children. No one told them how your life changes after children. They just did what they were "supposed to do."
Next time, they should stop and ask some questions first instead of fucking up their lives and ours as well.
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