Dear Anderson Cooper,

I live my life as Clark Kent, but I wish I was Rita Hayworth.


That was the line that caught Leonard Nimoy's attention. It was what I had submitted as a 'short bio' to Mr. Nimoy in response to his call for people willing to participate in a multi-media exploration of secret identities, entitled 'Secret Selves', several years ago.


I had no expectation that he would respond. So, of course, he did.


I grew-up with Leonard Nimoy and his portrayal of the half-human/half-vulcan character everyone knows as Spock, from the populat television series Star Trek.


As a child, living in a broken and often violent home, Spock seemed to be the only other person who felt what I felt: Alone, but surrounded by multitudes
.

Eventually, I realized that he was just an actor playing a part. But, when you're a child, and you have nothing in your life to hold onto, that character on television made me feel that maybe I wasn;t alone. Maybe, I wasn't the only one who was different.


When I submitted my bio to Mr. Nimoy, I hadn't, yet, transitioned. I was living a life in two worlds. I was stuck and couldn't move forward. I was living and working during the day as a man, to support the two most important people in my life -my wife and my child.


So, it seems just as surreal to me, today, as I write this, as it did when I first spoke them to him on the fall day, several years ago.


My name is Tammy Twotone. I am a child of abandonment, divorce, abuse and hate. A great deal of my life has been spent living in fear. Most of it -especially the early years- was also with the certainty that I was unloved and unloveable (something no child should experience). My first hero was George Carlin. I was bullied. I am one of five daughters, who has only now become a woman. I'm German. I was U.S. Marine....for a very short time. I've seen my mother beaten. I'm an artist. I've sold books for a living and dreamed about being a writer. I've beena taxi-dispatcher on the over-night shift. I've worked with Special-needs kids. I am married. I am a parent. And, I'm a stand-up comedian.


Now, you have to understand that during all this, I'm standing in front of Mr. Nimoy dressed from head-to-toe as a Las Vegas Showgirl. My voice was deep and monotone and the five-o'clock shadow on my face was dark. Like I said, surreal.


From my experience, I can tell you that Mr. Nimoy is a warm and generous man, as well as a gifted artist. He calmed my nerves, and asked me about myself with patience and respect.


That was a seminole moment for me, and it was a point of clarity. He spoke to me as an equal, with genuine interest and concern, with grace and humility.


I spoke freely and clearly, only ocassionally babbling. I no longer felt like a freak, grappling with questions of my 'Secret Self'.


As we spoke to each other, I realized that a part of me was still that litle girl, searching for hope and understanding, who sat in front of the television set so many years ago.......and, Mr. Spock had come to save me.


I wasn't afraid at that moment. And, I haven't been since.


Since that experience, I've gone on to transition. I've been performing stand-up all over NYC. I've been involved in several film projects, performed in the vagina Monlouges, auditioned with NBC, modeled, worked with many amazing and talented people and performers, and, recently, was a guest at the GLAAD Media Awards in NYC.


I'm not sure what constitutes a 'good story, anymore. I do know, however, that the character of Spock, played by Mr. Nimoy, on the television series Star Trek, made a connection with a child who was frieghtened, lonely and unloved. And, I'd say with certainty, that there aren't too many Trans-women who can point to such a cultural icon like Leonard Nimoy, and say, "That man may have just saved my life".